hello, do you hear me speak? after so long, i realised that i’m still alive, still breathing, and still suffering. what good is there in mankind? i see faces everyday. but none to confide in. why are you always so far away when i need you?
i know it’s the time again. i’m feeling faint. so beaten that i… i don’t want to face anything, anymore. i don’t deserve any sympathy, any encouragement, any chance. leave me alone.
i actually forgot that today’s my brother birthday and i’m always out to cheat my sister’s m&ms.
there’s this day when you put everything aside, settle down, think things through. the things that were said, the things that were done.sometimes you laugh and brush it off. sometimes not. you hear yourself scream inside, but you can’t talk about it. you don’t know where to start. well i guess some things are better left unsaid.
you tell yourself to smile, you smiled. you tell yourself to laugh, you laughed. you tell yourself to love, you loved. you tell yourself everything’s gonna be alright, but it didn’t turn out so.
what you’ve got is not what you wanted. what you thought you could have, was not yours and may never be yours. you feel sore. nothing much can be done though, so you go to sleep in hope of waking up to find that everything’s alright. the next morning you wake up finding yourself in the same bed, with the same life. nothing’s changed. nothing.
there’s this day when you put everything aside, settle down, think things through. the things that were said, the things that were done.sometimes you laugh and brush it off. sometimes not. you hear yourself screaming inside. but you can’t talk about it, you don’t know where to start. well i guess some things are best left unsaid.
you tell yourself to smile, you smiled. you tell yourself to laugh, you laughed. you tell yourself to love, you loved. you tell yourself everything’s gonna be alright, but it didn’t.
you realised that what you’ve got is not what you wanted. what you thought you could have, was not yours and may never be yours. you feel sore. nothing much can be done though, so you go to sleep in hope of waking up to find that everything’s alright. the next morning you wake up finding yourself in the same bed, with the same life. nothing’s changed. nothing.
Sometimes you need to slow down or take a step back to look at the way things are, and decide if that is really what you want. Some things are left better to be ambiguous.
You are out, and you noticed a not-so-close friend taking the same train as you. Your friend notices you as well and both of you started a conversation that never lasted any longer than 3 minutes. Then silence breaks in again. And your brain starts thinking about some common topic to talk about. Finally you found another topic to talk about but this time it didn’t last for 2 or more minutes. The silence breaks in again. Your heart race faster and awkwardness is everywhere. At this point you hope you can disappear.
How many times have u encountered this situation?
Sometimes it very hard to find something to talk about. Though you can be an expert in ratting on and on at a party or an occasion. Fixing a broken connection isn’t like ABC.Sometimes you see the effort from the other side, then you start asking yourself “what have i done?” You start to feel sorry for the other person. You felt like you owed him/her something. Then you probably start to regret the day when you didn’t say what you wanted to say, to ask him/her to stay. Well who can you blame but yourself?
Then there are times when you see something happen which makes you all fired up or irritated. But there is nothing you can do because things weren’t the way it was. So all you did was to pretend not to see/know anything. But your mind couldn’t stop thinking and you re-approach yourself for being such a wuss. You start questioning yourself.
There are also times when you thought you would feel upset over something, but eventually you weren’t. This is where you realised that you’ve come to accept things the way the were. In fact you are starting to get used to a life like that. What you once felt was never coming back again. You question yourself again, this time you ask yourself if you are really ready to go on.
Not forgetting the times when you are too afraid to have eye contact with your friend. Because you were unsure of yourself. This point of time your inner self is probably having a heated debate on this matter. You feel so fed-up and confused that you decided to drop the whole matter aside. Still you didn’t keep the eye-contact.
It goes on. Some things are hard to explain. Even if it was explainable, it wouldn’t be understandable.
Just the other day i was having apple pie and i thought of my beloved friend who burnt herself with an apple pie. Wow! Let’s put our hands together and applaud her bravery. Way to go!I can sympathise with kids who got burnt by the pipping hot fillings. But i find it hard to empathise with a 19 year old who got burnt by apple pie fillings. It makes me want to laugh each time i think about it.
I think the main problem here is that the caution is too small to be spotted. Or maybe the caution message wasn’t intimidating enough to freak people out. They should put caution notes like: “eat pipping hot apple pie at own risk” or “McDonalds will not be responsible for any degree of burn.” Maybe they can simply rename apple pie into “burning pie” or “dangerous burning pie”. THAT would prolly make people think twice!
Important things u should know about me:1. I’m very messy when i study. and i like it.
I think it’s motivating to study when my whole bed is messed up. This way sleeping will be the last thing on my mind. Keeping things clean will only make me feel lethargic and tempted to lie on the cosy bed. A messy bed on the other hand does wonders.
2. Never wake me up when i’m asleep.
Interrupting me from my sleep is the rudest thing ever. And by doing so, you’ve sinned the greatest sin on earth and you will be banished to hell. But before that happens be prepared to get a tight slap from me.
3. I like almost 60% of the people i meet in life
If you are one of them, congrats. If you’re not, go reflect on what you have done wrong. But i think it doesn’t matter cause you won’t figure it out anyway. And that is why i hate you so.
4. There are 2 people whom i hate now. just 2
1 is a total bitch. The other just a hypocrite. But the sad part is that i was stuck with them for 3 years. You wouldn’t want to know the rest.
5. I can speak chinese but doesn’t mean i can read chinese
A big misconception people have here. I can’t friggin’ read chinese. But i’m learning. Thank you.
6. Don’t come near me if you can’t interest me
I’m sick and tired of getting boring conversations. If you wish to talk to me, please start a conversation of the following:
a. A meaningful conversation
b. A business proposition
c. A creative conversation
d. An entertaining conversation
e. Hot gossips
No, i don’t appreciate conversations starting with: “hey i haven’t spoken to you for awhile!!”
7. I’m not just that girl
If you think you know me, think again. I’m not that simple girl you think i am. I fake smiles. Oh yes i do. Who hasn’t. But what makes a hypocrite is one that fake a smile and stab you in the back. Ooo.. who are we talking about now? If you are thinking if i am referring to you, you’re a guilty piece of shit. Go do some reflections.
8. I don’t like people who can’t speak properly
That includes mummbling, going off pitch and shrieking. Well, i don’t really hate exactly hate one more than the other. It pretty much depends on who the person is.
9. There are certain things i can’t say
Because i want things to stay the way they are now. And i’m not confident that saying it out will turn things for the better.
10. I am afraid of cockroaches
If you are my true friend, join my anti-cockroach club -> here <- So i see you are done reading. Read again (:
wtf am i talking about these days.i seem so lost.
sigh.
damn.
i don’t bloody care!
fuck!
i’m a bitch!
i think my blog shouldn’t be watch my fly anymore.
it’s more like watch me fall.
man… this sucks.
why is my blog getting more morbid?!?!?!?!??!?!
&^@#&%^*&#@^%*&#^@%*&^@#%*&#
i’m a retard.
the biggest one you’ll find in this world.
I saw an angel
I asked her for advice.
She smiled and told me
“It’s time to move on”
With that
She gave me an assuring hug.Perhaps it’s really time to move on.
It’s a blessing we were once close friends.
And if one day you should ever need me again,
I promise i’ll be there for you my friend.
A promise that last for eternity.
